She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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