i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
