Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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