its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
