He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
