my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
