...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
