They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
