girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
