just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
