Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
