she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
