Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
