we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just invented taco cereal.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
