hotel room ftw
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
