Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
