we have pet lesbian snakes
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
