I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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