it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
