non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
