youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
