I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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