Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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