I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
