I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
