I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
