don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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