somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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