she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
