im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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