i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
