wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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