I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
