Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
