Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
