fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
