i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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