i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
