Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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