He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
