Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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