So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
