dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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