Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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