He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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