My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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