her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
