How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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