I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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