WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
