I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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