Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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