I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
