how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Damn victory sex feels great
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
