so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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