So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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