U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
