Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
where does the pee come out of this thing
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
