that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
