My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
