Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
