My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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