ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
