im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dicks are not precious.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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