had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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