Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
