I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
