Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize