She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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