hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
