My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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