I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
