i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
