Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just pee around me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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