You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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