Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
