you guys were way drunker than both of me
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
