Swine flu. Run for my life!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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