I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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