Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
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what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
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If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?