i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
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Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
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Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him