this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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