This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
