My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
