Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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