Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize