she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
