Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Pooping to opera.
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