Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
