You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
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TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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